Surprisingly, I caught a premiere on the OWN network as it started. It’s called “Miss Representation” - an exploration of women in America shows their underrepresentation in positions of power. I’m hooked. I’m the furthest thing from a feminist.. I beleive it should be just as it was in the old days where women stayed home to raise the family and the men worked to pay the bills. But, face it. With a struggling economy nothing can ever work that way anymore.

This program is showing the glorified body types, and what women are considered in the media. We’re “natural enemies” and we’re in consant battle with each other to  be the better woman or be with the better man. Which is insanely true. All girls that are uncomfortable with themselves whether they are too big, too skinny, too much acne, the “nerd”, anything should watch this. I can only hope if i have a little girl of my own, that I can raise her to feel good about herself and do well, for herself and no one else.

< lets go back to this..

Looking at a new apartment today, hopefully getting the hell out of Rensselaer. Then off to Gus man’s second birthday party!

So the boys are both content, Max crawling around on the floor and Gavin playing in his newly cleaned room. I’m just waiting for it to be destroyed again. I finally have a second to sit down.

The Monday before last I joined weight watchers again. I’m going to use this journal to openly keep track of my weight loss so that i feel the pressure to.. well, impress I guess. Before I had Gavin I lost around 35 pounds on weight watchers. My goal now, is 50. And this Monday at the weigh in I lost 3. I would’ve been way happier with more but, a loss is a loss.

I was just skimming through the channels and a commercial said “I have to change my body to fulfill my dreams.” Well, it’s my dream to change my body. I cant remember a time in my life where I’ve been comfortable with it. And I want to change it now, more than ever. I don’t want the boys growing up with me, thinking it’s okay to be unhealthy. Not to mention Eric is a health nut, so we could all be happy together..

This week Eric’s mom is having surgery, so tomorrow he has the day off. We’ll be spending the day with his mom and dad.. it’ll be nice.

I cannot wait to get a house. My apartment can literally be spotless and the next hour or after a meal it can be a disaster. We need more room and a space for everything. I have so many ideas, and wants.. Itll be so nice to finally have a place to call our own…

We’ll most likely end up getting a two bedroom house with potential to add on .. and the boys will share a room, or a three bedroom and with my hopes of having a girl the boys will end up sharing a room anyways <3. but these are so awesome. I need to find someone or have eric and his dad make something like this. It’d be sweet!

The weather has been gross, just showing the signs of the seasons changing and all but I’m no thappy when I’m sick and i have been feeling a cold in my chest and throat just lingering waiting to get worse, barf. Nothing ever works either, only extremely short, temporary fixes, so why bother?

My two year old is actually counting all the way to ten, and my sixth month old is almost ready to crawl. I seriously don’t know where all the time has gone. I can remember the day I found out I was having Gavin like it was yeserday, not three years ago.

Eric and I went out on a double date with our good friends tonight and it made me realize how much we really need the time alone together. Maybe we’ll make a specific date night once a month or so.. worth a try, we never get alone time anymore..

I really just cannot wait to be done with school. No more financial worries, no more apartments, or shitty cars. I won’t have to worry about if I can give the oys the things they want, I’ll just know I can.

2013 here we come, my god Gavin and Max will be 4 and 2! yikes!

Tonight was the first time I’ve had trouble with chemistry class. Up until now I didn’t have trouble keeping up with the lesson but it got hard tonight, into names and classifications of things that I dont think that I’ll be able to remember. I don’t know, maybe I’ve just got a lot on my mind.

I have an awesome idea for a photo shoot for Eric, the boys, and I. I can’t wait to get it done and hang it on the wlal like I imagine. pumped.

I started weight watchers this Monday, and I really want to stick with it this time. It’s the only thing thats ever, ever worked for me. wish me luck!

For the first few months back to work after Maxwell was born I was working overnights. But, after realizing how much more money I was making at the salon, I decided to go back. Now, Sunday through Thursday I’m either at work or school. And lately, Gavin’s father has been taking him on the weekends. So today, after having plans to be out and about all day after Eric did a favor for his brother, of course our plans get ruined.. because nothing can go right, ever. I’m either home taking care of the boys, working or in class. New York sucks, theres nothing to do, ever, and the weather that I love to go out and do things in, is way too cold for the boys.

I’m in school and working because I want a better life for my boys than I had, but I wish it was easier to do that and enjoy time with them. Being an adult is hard, being a mommy is harder.

*Random tip for ladies, this morning i didnt feel like washing my hair.. don’t waste your money on dry shampoo sprays, comb some baby powder through your roots!

Tonight, I saw my best friend decided to start another blog, like she used to in high school. Her and I are mommies now, well, she will be soon <3. My kids have changed my life, for the better of course. I will be married (to an amazing man) with two children at 23, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I work and go to school, along with being a full time mommy, can’t get anymore nuts than that. This will be my venting space. Time to let out thoughts and feelings, along with sharing pictures of my little ones and thelives they’re leading. Ya never know, maybe they’ll be able to see this when they get older. C’mon, join me on this crazy rollercoaster I call life.

(BTW, follow my best friend too, shes a total bitch. I mean, she’s witty and intelligent <3 http://erikatalkstoomuch.tumbl r.com/)